yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
