I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
