i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my being single is dangerous.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
