she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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