If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
