I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
