cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Couch. On fire.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
