I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
