Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
