I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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