the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
