Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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