The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
