How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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