listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
