We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
