hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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