omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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