I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize