Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
