Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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