o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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