i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
