I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
