Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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