i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
