I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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