I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
