I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
