She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
