Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
