I need help removing her.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
