May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
