I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
