Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
