is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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