is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
