Don't you send me to vm
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
