you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
