I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
BRING THE BAGELS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
