Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
