there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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