My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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