man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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