Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
