New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
