those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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