Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
