i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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