he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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