Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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