when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think people are normalizing furries
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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