i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
