Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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