Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
