i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
