I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
