You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
