I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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