were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize