I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found the puke drawer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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