but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize