All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
