Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
