final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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