So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
