My hair reeks of homosexuality.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
