My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize