i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
