Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
