she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize