The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize